“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
This scripture speaks volumes to me right now. I finally understand why God stopped things that I wanted to from happening. Like me, I'm sure all of you have the same question, or have asked it at some point in your lives. Well, this scripture is our answer to that question. Maybe it's something you really wanted to happen. I know that for me, this has always been the case. To be honest, that's why I spent most of the time with a broken heart, I never guarded it. God, would let things go so far before stopping it either for a season or permanently.
He sees what we can't or refuse to see. His grace and love is so amazing that he catches us before any real bad harm or death threatens our lives. I know for me, if God wants me somewhere, he will remove whomever and whatever is causing me not only physical harm but more so spiritual harm. He'll change my circumstances to put me back where he wants me to be.
For example, I left my church two years ago feeling excluded by them outside the church, I just felt like a misfit and their words towards me weren't genuine, so I walked away twice. Earlier this year, God did his work in me and my best friend who is also my worker got saved. Then her spirit yearned to find shelter, where she and her boyfriend could grow and thrive in him. I also saw this as an opportunity to finally find my new church home.
Before I got on the self direction program, I was housebound most of last year due to liability purposes. The only ways that I could leave my house is if I had my own car, my father took me somewhere, or my ambulance. The staff were not allowed under any circumstances to transport me in their car. So, I was in a rut in every aspect.
Anyhow, we visited two churches and the second one seemed to fit and quench our spiritual thirst. I felt like I found my new church home. However, God had a surprise in store for me. My friend's vehicle was in the shop and so we were unable to go to our church. After a week of not being able to attend church, I suggested my church to her and if she didn't like it, we didn't have to go back, if she didn't like it. So, I stepped back into the church, I walked away from so many times before. They welcomed me back in a way that felt like I had never left. My heart and spirit rejoiced with joy and love and I knew I was back where I needed to be, I was home.
Now, I have two spiritual homes which I currently reside in. I did something most people did, I ran when things weren't perfect. I'm done running! It gets worse when we run from a situation in which he may have put us in. Moral of the story, trust God when he tells you no. Trust him through the dysfunctions of this life, he has a reason for them that we won't know until you see the light and rainbow in your life. It's coming, you just have to believe. I hated when people used to tell me that, I just wanted to cry. However, I had no other choice but to hold on. Fourteen years later, his light finally broke through and I now understand why and I thank him for saying no to the things I wanted or thought I needed!
~Elia~
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