Your threshing floor

Luke  3:17
His winnowing fork is in his hand to clear his threshing floor and to gather the wheat into his barn, but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.”

This morning I was on my computer and something who I believe was God kept telling me to stop what I was doing to look up Luke 3:17. I did not understand it at all, so, I did some research on this scripture and I also asked God for wisdom and understanding in order to convey the message to the best of my ability. This may be the toughest blog I've ever written to date, because I don't to mislead or lead anyone astray. I am  a work in progress as we all are. Therefore, I will say what I think the message it self means to me. If I am wrong however, please don't be afraid to let me know.

At one point or another, we all have to clean out anything that is negative or weighing us down in every way including spiritually. Some people mediate, some write things down. Christians pray and how they pray depends on their religion. Your threshing floor I believe is your spirit and the winnowing fork is the word of God and the burning of chaff means the surrender or dying of the old you and the unquenchable fire represents the everlasting desire to become better or know more of the word of God and what stands for.

How is your threshing floor?  

God loves us all

John 3:17

 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

We often put too much pressure on ourselves to live according to God's "rules" when all he wants you to do is have a relationship with him and the rest will follow. Everyone's relationship with God is different according to how and who we are. We often judge others because they aren't where we think they should be in Christ. In reality though, God knew our journey as well as what it would take for us to get there. Some of us find him when we are small, teenagers, adults, near the end of our lives, or not at all.

God however, gave us free will to believe or not believe. Christians like non Christians shouldn't condemn others based on their beliefs. God wants everyone to come to and follow him. He could force everyone to follow him but, that's not what God is about. God is about love, patience, and understanding with Christians and non Christians alike. Unfortunely,  these principles are losing themselves more and more in our world today. We need to start letting these things shine again. In the end, God made us equal no matter how society views us, or says. We should all respect each other regardless of where we are with or without him. All in all, build each other up and love each other through and peace, understanding and growth will take place which would and could bring us closer to God.

Finding your purpose in the darkness

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God has a purpose for all of us. Not only does he have a purpose for us but, the good and the bad things we go through in life have a purpose too. It tears us down to the ground and weather you choose to get up and rebuild yourself, or stay down is up to you. He doesn't get tired of waiting on us though. He knows unlike us what the end result will be if we choose to allow him to rebuild. Sometimes like me, we are stubborn and he may force us to stay still, break down and then rebuild us the way he knows we are meant to be. During the process, we often question why? 

Sometimes, we loose our faith completely when we see no way out. It is in the darkness, however,  we find out who we are.  In order for this to happen though, we must continue to walk the dark path and believe he is still there walking along with us. I am a living testament to this. During my fourteen years of torment, I prayed and cried for God to take me home. If I would have been able to do it myself, I would not be here today. Now that I am on the other side of that darkness, he has given me an answer to most of my questions. Now, I can use the dark times I walked through and use it as a light of hope to those who now are walking that dark path. I wonder if everyone would do that instead of running or hiding, how much brighter this world would be.

Struggling with Forgiveness

Romans 12:17-21

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 

18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Most people want to seek revenge on those who have hurt them, or someone they love. If it will make any of you feel better, I will be the first one to admit that I have. Once the anger fades, which sometimes took years for it to start fading, I wanted to reach out to them and bless them in some way. I hope you guys understand that it was a very long and slow process. I thought I would never be able to forgive those who hurt me. I thought I was condemned to hell at the point. However, with time my heart healed.

Once I finally healed, God revealed to me why things happened the way they did. I then got a

whole new perspective on things. Sometimes, he will reveal those things to us and there are other times where he won't. I believe God likes to do things when we aren't expect them. Sometimes, the answer is so simple that if you don't look or listen closely, we miss it.

We aren't meant to know why some things happen, or why they don't. Sometimes, we must just accept things the way they are, or aren't. There are times that we just have to leave a door closed and go through the open one. All in all, forgive those who may have offended or hurt you in any way not for their sake but, for yours. If you don't, the only heart that you will hurt  and jeopardize is your own. 

You're not alone

Matthew 16:24-26

Then Jesus told his disciples, 24“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

 Has anyone ever felt like they can never catch a break from the troubles of life? I'm sure everyone has, some even take their own lives because the bear of life can become just that great. Some people become bitter or become like empty vessels through life. There were many periods of my life, where I felt worthless, a burden to others, I was bitter towards life. I even tried to commit suicide several times. I thought my family would be better without me. However, my physical condition wouldn't allow me to do that.

I was given no other choice but to stay on this planet, work out these feelings, and face my situation, no matter how bad it was, or I thought it was. I wonder if the people who had taken the choice of suicide,  where would they be right now if they didn't have that choice like myself? What would they be experiencing after the storm has passed? What would they have learned about themselves, or about God for that matter? How would have God used their pain in order to turn it into their life long purpose.

Some people know from an experience, but most find it in their pain and hard times. Looking back now, I'm glad I was forced to stay. God used my what I once hated so much as a tool to keep me here to see what would lie ahead. This tool was my Cerebral Palsy. This is partly why now, I see it as a blessing, not a sickness I must be healed or delivered from. I am now living in heaven on Earth and not by earthly  things but, by spiritual things. One of those things being love, which is what God is made of.  God, can't help those that don't help themselves, all you need is some inner strength,  faith and know that you're not bearing your cross alone, even when it feels like it. We will forever have an alli in him, don't run from the darkness to go to the light. Let him walk you through the darkness that will ultimately lead you to the light. In there you will not only find yourself but, you will find who you're meant to be.

My prayer: My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child or someone you love not only by suicide but in any way at all. I commend you for still being here. I pray that God will help ease the pain and sadness that burdens your heart and spirit. May peace and restoration start building in your heart. Amen!

~Elia~

Acceptance

1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Yesterday, I had a totally different scripture to reflect on and talk about. This morning however, God changed the direction of my heart towards the topic of acceptance. Let me also start this blog off by saying that I'm not perfect as no one is. Acceptance is something I have struggled with my whole life and still struggle with today. I didn't realize this until recently. I figured I would write on this not only to encourage you but myself as well.

We have to understand that sometimes God sets us apart because his plan for our lives are so much bigger than this world, or even we can understand. There comes a time where we have to come to accept and love ourselves, the way he does. For the most part, I have accepted and love myself the way he made me, disability and all.

Most people want me to be healed, I did too at one point. Do I wish this now? To be quite honest, no, I don't. Why don't I? Because, God is starting to show me pieces of the whole picture that I couldn't see during my storm. However, now that the light is shining, I can start to see glimpses of the whole picture for my life. Have you ever thought that maybe what you're so self conscious about, or are suffering from may not only make you grow, but may also be a tool used to fulfill your purpose in your life? I sincerely think so. If people don't accept you like in the scripture above, pray, forgive, and move forward! The phase "Dance like no one is watching takes on a whole new meaning, praise like no one is watching! :)

~Elia~ 

The renewing of my heart and mind

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

This scripture speaks volumes to me right now. I finally understand why God stopped things that I wanted to from happening. Like me, I'm sure all of you have the same question, or have asked it at some point in your lives. Well, this scripture is our answer to that question. Maybe it's something you really wanted to happen. I know that for me, this has always been the case. To be honest, that's why I spent most of the time with a broken heart, I never guarded it. God, would let things go so far before stopping it either for a season or permanently. 

He sees what we can't or refuse to see. His grace and love is so amazing that he catches us before any real bad harm or death threatens our lives. I know for me, if God wants me somewhere, he will remove whomever and whatever is causing me not only physical harm but more so spiritual harm. He'll change my circumstances to put me back where he wants me to be.

For example, I left my church two years ago feeling excluded by them outside the church, I just felt like a misfit and their words towards me weren't genuine, so I walked away twice. Earlier this year, God did his work in me and my best friend who is also my worker got saved. Then her spirit yearned to find shelter, where she and her boyfriend could grow and thrive in him. I also saw this as an opportunity to finally find my new church home.

Before I got on the self direction program, I was housebound most of last year due to liability purposes. The only ways that  I could leave my house is if I had my own car, my father took me somewhere, or my ambulance. The staff were not allowed under any circumstances to transport me in their car. So, I was in a rut in every aspect. 

Anyhow, we visited two churches and the second one seemed to fit and quench our spiritual thirst.  I felt like I found my new church home. However, God had a surprise in store for me. My friend's vehicle was in the shop and so we were unable to go to our church. After a week of not being able to attend church, I suggested my church to her and if she didn't like it, we didn't have to go back, if she didn't like it. So, I stepped back into the church, I walked away from so many times before. They welcomed me back in a way that felt like I had never left. My heart and spirit rejoiced with joy and love and I knew I was back where I needed to be, I was home. 

Now, I have two spiritual homes which I currently reside in. I did something most people did, I ran when things weren't perfect. I'm done running! It gets worse when we run from a situation in which he may have put us in. Moral of the story, trust God when he tells you no. Trust him through the dysfunctions of this life, he has a reason for them that we won't know until you see the light and rainbow in your life. It's coming, you just have to believe. I hated when people used to tell me that, I just wanted to cry. However, I had no other choice but to hold on. Fourteen years later, his light finally broke through and I now understand why and I thank him for saying no to the things I wanted or thought I needed!

~Elia~

Elia's Chronicles

My goal in this blog and in life is to touch, lift, and encourage others so, I hope I can achieve this with every blog I do. My name is Elia, I am thirty one years old and I was born with Cerebral Palsy. I am the oldest of five children. I am confined to a wheelchair and I have to have total assistance with every need in my life. God has been with me my whole life but, I wasn't always with God. I always straddled the fence with Christianity. I always had that desire but, when things didn't fit, or go the way I wanted, I'd walk away from him. Now, I can't imagine my life without him.

You imagine growing up, moving out, falling in love, getting married, having babies and living happily every after. The truth of the matter is, life most of the time doesn't work out that way. You could not convince me otherwise through. I was extremely sheltered and was naive to most things and people. I  wanted babies, I wanted love, and most of all, I wanted my independence. It wasn't until 2009, when "my reality" would be severely challenged. I  began dating a guy with a similar condition as me. After meeting him, I thought I had found the one.

A few months later, we were talking marriage and kids. He like I wanted kids so badly. We talked about how we would actually care for these kids. I told him that I would have to think about everything. The next day, God would give me answer to that very question. My mother and father divorced back in 2000 and he has since married twice. He and his wife had welcomed a baby boy three months prior to this upcoming revelation. I went to my dad's for a visit. Something came up with his work and had to leave suddenly. So, I just kept my stepmom and the baby company. After a while, I asked her for some water. So, she put the baby in the bouncy seat and went to pour me some water. As she reached for the glass, the baby started squirming out of the bouncy seat. She ran quickly to grab him before he fell. I then thought to myself, if that would have been us, the baby would have been severely injured, as neither of us would have been quick enough to catch him. Right then and there, I realized that having a baby together could never be.

I called him when I got put to bed, as I did every night. I told him what I had realized and that it would best if we didn't have kids. I explained to him the dangers the baby would face, as well as the physical, mental, and financial strain we would face. I didn't even know if my body could handle a pregnancy. My ultimate concern was not being able to care for our child and give it the life it deserves. He had a difference of opinion on the subject and he thought it best if we went our separate ways and so we did.

My life then was extremely stressful, my care really started to go downhill. My mother applied for the wavier care program which would help her with my care in 1998. It ended up being a ten year wait. We thought we hit the jackpot and we did. The jackpot from hell! I always defended my caretakers to a fault, even putting them ahead of my family. Sometimes, I didn't see the evil, I think I refused to see it. I thought things would get better, they got even worse, much worse! The only time I turned to God was when I needed him to get me out of trouble and he often did. 

I really took his grace as well as my family for granted! I would come to pay for that very quickly and for a long time. After he got me out of my last ordeal, I gave my life to God in 2010.  However, tensions between my family and I were intensifying. I left my house for a couple weeks as I tried to find my independence to get away from my overprotective mother unaware of the danger and hell I would be walking in. Bureaucracy is a bunch of sticky red type and most people don't have your best interest at heart. Over the years, I've been mentally, emotionally abused, starved and neglected. I chose not to tell my mother because after everything I put her through, I thought I deserved what I got. I thought God was punishing me for going against her and putting others before herself. Looking back years later, he probably was. Some people say, God's spanking is worse than any other spanking you could ever receive in your life, I happen to agree!

My hell including my high school years lasted a total of 14 years. In August of last year, our hell ended and peace and happiness inhabited our home once again. I finally qualified for the self-direction programs which allows the family the freedom of hiring and firing staff. The out state agency called acumen only provides the pay check. 

I'm finally free of the abuse and constant uncertainty of who would be walking in my doorway. Now, I'm being  cared for by family and friends. Most of all, I am closer to God than ever. I am in a constant state of happiness. Now, not only accept myself and my physical circumstances, but, I love it. It is because of my infirmity that we are all together and forever united. I used to see it as a burden and an ever present obstacle in my life. Now, I see it as a chain breaking, soul changing miracle that has made me the strong christian woman that I am today! Now, the phrase "Thy will be done" rings in my mind everyday. Depression and pain are no longer a part of my life. I carry my cross which is my infirmity and follow him.  

Moral of the story, don't give up on life, you never know the rainbow that is waiting for you at the end of the storm. God has tripled my blessings for my troubles and he will do the same for you!

~Elia~